Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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