Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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