I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
