why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
