I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
