I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
