I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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