Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
