dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
