Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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