You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
