but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
