how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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