i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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