ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
