I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
