you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law