dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter