i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
