Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
