The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah