of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.