i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind