Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.