he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
