I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
