You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
