ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
