I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
did you just send me my own nude
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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