Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
