I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
