woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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