I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ok first of all what the fuck
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
