; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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