I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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