I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
