I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
