im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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