So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
