I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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