We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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