i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
