Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
