Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
