You made me cry and you don't even care
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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