I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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