I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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