I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
