Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
