T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
