Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
