Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize