if only i could text you this smell
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
