I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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