We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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