I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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