Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
