So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
