That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
