So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
