Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
