I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I want is dick and wine.
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