i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
