I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
