I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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