Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
