You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
